Growing Up in the Jedi Temple
by Izzy
Summary: AU of Anakin and Padme's younger years, and the Jedi Order being in much more open danger.
1. Prologue

Izzy here, with my fanfic, "Growing Up in the Jedi Temple," the first in in a Star Wars AU series, the first fic started in my England notebooks, and the last one to be typed up, as much of it I hope to continue to write in its notebook when I'm somewhere with my purse and nothing better to do. Lucas owns most of the characters.

Growing Up in the Jedi Temple  
By Izzy   
Prologue

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant, 40 BBY**

"Turn to the Dark Side, you had. Complete, your recovery cannot be."

Shmi Skywalker knew she should look Master Yoda in the eye. But her baby began to cry, as if sensing his mother's distress, though actually it was that he was hungry. She didn't even look up until she had him at her breast, and said, "You are right, Master Yoda. I feel it in myself that I am no longer fit to be a Jedi. However, I leave my fate, and that of my son's, in the hand's of the Council."

"Tell us your whole story over, from the beginning," said Mace Windu.

It was strange, how utterly detached she now was from what had once possessed her, to the point that it had destroyed everything she had trained herself to be. "On the way back from Chommell Major, I received a distress call, which proved to be from a small planetoid , probably artificially constructed, located on a isolated spot on the Corellian Run."

"Can you remember anything more, than earlier, about its exact location?" Even Piell interrupted her.

"No," she replied, wondering why he even had to ask such a thing. "Only that it was probably somewhere in the Mid Rim. I noted as I approached the planetoid that much of my computer was jammed, but I did not know the reason why until it was too late. The planetoid was the base of the Sith, Darth Plagueis and Darth Sidious, and the distress call had been fabricated by them to lure me there."

Before this they had all believed the Sith to be long gone, but the Jedi did not have to take Shmi's word for their return. They had suffered their own attack, during her captivity. Shmi had seen the holo-recordings of the creatures that had descended onto the temple and killed a number of Jedi before being repelled. She had for the Council's benefit identified them as the minions of the Sith, and their leader as Sidious.

"Together the two of them were able to kill my apprentice and overpower me, and I was made their prisoner and kept so for at least eight months." She had lost track of time; the records kept in the temple of her departure, her known traveling, and her return would calculate better estimates of when she had been where than those she could make. "During that time, I was often physically beaten and mentally assaulted."

"But certain, you are," Master Yaddle asked her, "that raped, you were not?"

"Some of my memories do not survive, but I think I would have remember if I was, or the Healers here would have found some physical evidence."

"According to the Healers," observed Oppo Rancisis, "your son's midi-chlorian count is at an unheard-of level."

Shmi nodded. "That would support the possibility of his being conceived directly by the midi-chlorians, at the bidding of Darth Plagueis, who openly boasted of his control over them. And I was also aware that Darth Sidious continually urged his Master to kill me, and Plagueis refused."

"Did he fear the prophecy?" Mace wondered aloud. "The one about the Chosen One who would destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force? That by creating life, they were risking its fulfillment?"

"Possibly," said Shmi, "but then again, he may simply have believed that his Master was becoming too powerful. All I know is that he chose, when I was nearly at term, to kill Darth Plagueis while the latter was asleep. Unfortunately for him, one of their minions saw him do it, and questioned whether under those circumstances they ought to follow him as their new leader. There was a rebellion and confusion. As an act of defiance, my guards freed me."

Now came the hard part. "I repaid them by killing them. I had allowed hatred for all my captors to build up in me, and I released it into multiple acts of murder, by which I ended up helping Sidious by killing off many of the rebels, so that when he had subdued the rest, he offered to take me as his apprentice, under the condition that I perform an abortion on myself. I refused out of attachment to my baby."

"Still," observed Plo Koon, "you suggested it was compassion for your son, after his birth, that finally turned you back."

"It was. That was the only good left in me, but I focused on it, made it stronger. I came back here for his sake rather than my own. Sith-made he may be, but he himself is an innocent. I would ask that you at least keep him safe, because Darth Sidious will come after him." She in fact wanted them to train him as a Jedi, had marked the coming of that wish as her return from the Dark Side, and held that as her one remaining wish in life, but she dared not ask for it.

"More than keep him safe, we should," said Yoda to his fellow council members. "Many Jedi, we have lost. Give up a baby when train it, we can, we should not, without good reason."

"There is no good reason," said Master Rancisis. "A baby is incapable of evil."

"Then he is to be a Jedi?" Shmi asked hopefully, before she could stop herself.

All around the chamber, there were nods. "Easy, that decision was," Yoda observed. "Over his mother, take more time, we should. Wait outside, you will."

Shmi bowed and left. As she did so, she heard Master Yoda order Micah Giett to contact Jocasta Nu.

After the wide windows of the council room, the hallway outside felt dark to Shmi, darker than she thought it could be here. Or perhaps she herself was darker, out of the company of those who were still creatures of the light. Anakin finished nursing; she covered her breast back up and held him close to her, but suddenly she was afraid to look at him, lest she be unable to give him up, when in a few minute's time they would part forever.

"My resolve has held this far. Let it not break now." She kept her gaze up, on a patch of sunlight traveling along the wall, creeping very slowly towards her. If it got too close, she knew she would move away, she couldn't bear to feel it, not now. But instead of her, the pattern of light illuminated the woman approaching, whom Shmi could never fail to recognize.

She forced herself not to flee, not to move at all, not even to tighten her grip on her baby. She suddenly remembered how she had once been told that she hadn't been much older than Anakin was now when her parents ad given her up. Was this how her mother had felt?

"Hello, Jocasta," she said. "You've come to take Anakin to the creche, I believe." She looked away from her old Master as she spoke, but despite nearly ten years and the most recent events, she could still sense the remnant of the bond between them.

"Is this how we greet each other now? Come, look at me, Shmi." A gentle hand took her chin, turned her head, brought into her view a kind and loving face, the features of which filled with shock and concern, 'What happened to you? You look as if you've aged a full ten years since I saw you last."

"Have you not heard plenty of what has happened to me, Master?" Shmi asked her. "I know word has gotten round. Even without rumor, can you not sense for yourself what I have become? Are you not ashamed of me? I wouldn't even blame you for being angry. I've had an apprentice myself; I know every Master's greatest fear is losing a padawan to the Dark Side."

"But I did not lose you in the end, now did I?" replied the other lightly. Indeed, Shmi, to survive as you have, and come back as you have, and who says you will not be a proper Jedi again, given enough years...of what accomplishment can an old Master be prouder?"

"I must have caused you great pain at some point," Shmi pointed out. "I know you aren't made of stone."

"Be that as it may." Jocasta leaned forward and gently scooped Anakin up from Shmi's arms. "Anakin, did you say his name was?"

"Listen," said Shmi. " I trust you absolutely. Will you keep an eye on him, whenever you can? I does me good to see you have him."

"I'll do everything I can for him," Jocasta promised her. "I'll even take him as my padawan if he's twelve and noone else has, though hopefully he won't need me for that. Those days are over for me, I admit."

"Thank you," said Shmi, and then "Thank you" again. She was aware that this conversation should end, and Jocasta and Anakin should leave, and then she might very well never see her old Master again either.

But Jocasta was now looking at the doors to the council chamber. "I think I know what they will do with you," she said. "I wonder if I shall live long enough to see you again. But if not," she squeezed Shmi's hands, and very gently kissed her forehead. "May the force be with you, my padawan."

After they were gone, Shmi stared off after them, and when the sun found her, she did not move away from it. Then the doors slid open and startled her, and Master Giett beckoned her back in.

He took his seat, and this time Shmi faced Yoda without hesitation, calmer than she had been in a long time.

"To Dantooine, we are sending you, there to mind the old temple. Recover there, you may."

**Very Shortly After, Near the Creche**

"Jocasta."

"Good afternoon." Jocasta Nu was pleased to see Master Dooku, whose presence was never unwelcome to her. She did not approve of his philosophy, but she respected him, and more than that, she liked him. Too much, she sometimes feared.

"Going to the creche, I see. May I walk with you?"

"Certainly. Are you going anywhere?"

"I'm leaving late tonight for Firro. Is that young Skywalker's baby?"

"Yes, it is. For all the fuss being made about his coming from the Sith, or possibly being the Chosen One, he's just going to join all the others."

"I feel terribly sorry for his mother. They'll probably expel her from the Order."

"I don't think they'll go that far," Jocasta replied, trying to make her voice sound light. "I think they'll merely send her away somewhere."

"Suspend her, effectively. And would you approve of this?"

"It's the best thing for her," Jocasta said firmly. "I know her, Dooku. She was my apprentice, after all."

"I admit you probably would have better judgement than I in regards to her. Though how much of her have you actually seen in recent years? She has been a knight for a good amount of time now, has she not?"

"I have seen her and known her well enough, even after her knighting, to be sure the right thing would be for her to leave for some place quiet, where she can focus on purging her mind of the Dark Side. And I think she can do it. I really do."

"She has started down the dark path," Dooku pointed out. "Should it not forever dominate her destiny?"

She could sense the pleasure in his voice, and see it in his face when her answer was, "No, I don't. At the very least, I should give my padawan a chance. And what about you? Have you finally met Master Jinn's new apprentice? What do you think of him? A good boy, is he not? Unlikely to go the way his last one did."

"I did meet him, and I agree he is a good boy." He spoke the last two words with a good amount of disdain. Jocasta could not help feel a little sadness for both her friend and young Kenobi, but she was not at all surprised. Thankfully she did not have to reply to this, as they had reached the creche.

The Jedi Temple had throughout most of its structure a general air of peace and quiet, but it was strongest by far in the creche. The lighting was low, just enough to illuminate the lines of little beds, many of them occupied by a sleeping infant, and the silhouette of a little child staring out the window, who turned when Jocasta and Dooku came in. Even her outline, however, revealed that her clothes were that of a civilian.

She came into the light, looked up at them with frightened eyes. She couldn't have been older than five. She didn't even seem to see the baby. "Who are you, child?" asked Jocasta. "Are you an Initiate?"

"I think so," the girl answered. "They said I was to be. My name is Padme Naberrie." Indeed, Jocasta saw that her hair was newly cut, and she remembered hearing about the recent finding of a girl of that name from Naboo who was a little old, but still an acceptable age to be taken into the Temple if she and her family would consent to it.

"And did they ask you to look over the creche for tonight?" asked Dooku.

"Oh yes, they did!" It was at this point that she saw the baby. "Do you want me to put him to bed?"

"Here, we can do it together." Naberrie pulled aside the blankets on one of the unoccupied beds and Jocasta laid the boy down. He was fast asleep, but sighed happily when the little girl tucked him in. "And all is well?"

"Yes," said Naberrie. "Very well. They're all asleep."

"Good. Goodnight, and may the Force be with you, Padme Naberrie."

Padme felt better when the two old people had left. There had been a old person, older even than her grandmother, who was very old, who had come to her home and told her and her family that she could leave them and become a Jedi Knight if she wanted to, and she wished he hadn't, because when her family had told her the choice was hers alone, she felt she should. It was a great honor to be a Jedi. It was the most noble thing she could do with her life, that was what everyone said. It had hurt more than anything to leave her family, to hug her mother for the last time, see the sadness in her sister Sola's eyes. And her grandmother hadn't even been there, but they couldn't wait for her to return. Padme had recorded a message goodbye for her.

But it hadn't hurt as much as it had when it had truly sunk in that she would never see any of them again, or her home. When she had cried, the strange old man had dried her tears instead of her parents, and he had told her that she had to let go of her family, until she no longer missed them.

She was never going to let go of her family, never. She was going to think of them every day, and she was going to miss them, even if she wasn't supposed to.

She shouldn't be here. They had landed on this strange planet five hours ago, this planet covered with painfully bright buildings, so different from Naboo, which was the most beautiful planet in the galaxy, and that had driven it home to her. The old man had said there were gardens in this temple, but that didn't change that she shouldn't be here.

Then suddenly the baby the two old people had brought in started crying. She raced over to where the milk was kept, filled a bottle, and hurried back to where she'd put the baby and lifted him up into her arms. He pushed away the bottle, but his wailing was reduced into quiet sobs.

"Shhh, little baby, it's all right, shhh, shhh, shhh," she murmured. "If you want to be held, that's okay, I'll hold you." He did want to be held, she thought. He was like her, because he too had just been taken away from his family, and no doubt missed them as much as she did. These grown-up Jedi might not even think him capable of that, but Padme knew better.

He curled himself up and cried into her tunic, and Padme sat down with him and began to sing a lullaby which she was sure would make him feel better. At home, she and Sola had always loved to hear it, especially during the loud thunderstorms.

"_Never mind the dark, my dearest,  
Darkness will not touch mother's child,  
In where you call home, you'll always find light,  
And a pair of warm arms, to hold you at night _

_Sleep my baby, la loo loo,  
Lee lee la, loo loo baby,  
Oh my lovely baby,  
Sleep my baby, sleep_

There were five verses, and usually Padme and Sola were both asleep by the last of them, but Padme still sang as many of the words as she could remember, and when she was done, the boy was silent and his eyes were closed, but she wasn't really sure if he was asleep or not. She carried him over to the window and sat down with him by the glass. The sun was very low in the sky, hidden behind the buildings in fact, and the result was not unlike that of the sun going behind the mountains. "Look, baby," she whispered, soft enough so she wouldn't wake him if he was asleep, "isn't it beautiful? Have you seen anything like this, ever? Where do you come from, baby?"

She continued talking to him for some time, stopping only when she felt tired herself, and even then she kept him in her arms, because he obviously liked it there, and she found it very comforting to hold him.

She didn't know when she feel asleep, but the old man who had taken her from Naboo to this place woke her up, and the first thing she knew was that her arms were at her sides. "Where's the baby?" she asked.

"Back in his bed," the old man answered. "You have been put in a clan. Come with me."

It was many weeks later when Padme, in the course of all her other tasks as a Jedi Initiate, would again finding herself one evening minding the infants in the creche, but while she searched for the baby boy she had held and sung to, to her disappointment she was unable to tell which one of her many charges was him.


	2. Interlude: Menarche

Menarche  
By Izzy 

Padme Naberrie had blood between her legs.

It had started that morning, when she had noticed it staining her undergarments in the toilet right before Master Rancisis' class, and that had upset her. She'd learned about menstruation, but had been sure it wasn't supposed to start yet, and had been very distraught when she'd asked Master Rancisis if she could go to the Healers. Perhaps he'd guessed what was going on even before he'd gotten her to tell him; he knew a lot, having lived over a hundred years. All her agemates had looked at her, and some of the males had looked a bit grossed out. It was kind of gross, if she thought about it.

They had reminded her this happened to all female humans, though when she'd asked questions they'd admitted it usually happened later. But then they had added that groups of humans who had lived on one planet from a long enough time period, such as the Naboo, often evolved slight differences from other humans, and from their observations, this was one of them. They told her it wasn't really a surprise, because her body was changing already, and that too would happen to her agemates in a short time. They had also told her she would soon experience new and confusing feelings, but hopefully she would soon have a Master, who could instruct her on dealing with them.

Then they'd explained how to use a tampon, provided her with a number of them, and sent her on her way, telling her to come back if she happened to feel any pain. Padme knew she ought to go back to Master Rancisis' class, but by the time she got there most of it would be over, she thought, and besides, she knew as soon as she was with the other girls, they would start asking her the obvious questions.

She had already been the subject of many curious looks, especially whenever they dressed or undressed, until she had been sorely tempted to just strip, sit on her bed, and invite everyone to look until their curiousity was satisfied. Now they were going to ask her what the Healers had said, was she okay, was her starting early a sign of some sort of illness, did it hurt, was it true you put the tampon inside your vagina, was it likely to happen to them earlier than they thought too, and Force knew what else. So instead she went back to the dormitory, changed her undergarments, sat down on her bed, and tried to meditate herself into calm.

First she tried to narrow in on why she was still so agitated. She was in perfect health, according to the Healers. Perhaps her mind was troubled by the new feelings they had warned her about?

No, it might not have to be those feelings, but the anticipation of them. Or rather, that single comment made one of the Healer's, the one about the Master.

She ought not to worry about it. Worrying did no good, not to mention she had well over two and a half years for her Master to come for her. But with the knowledge that she was hardly the ideal candidate for training, she'd really worried from the day she'd turned ten. And each step in her growth made her feel the passage of time harder.

Many cultures considered menstruation a milestone in aging. But many of these considered reproduction to be a female's primary function, and with rare exceptions, Jedi females had no time for that. To Padme this should be reassurance that she was developing normally, no more. Contrary to her impression, this did not give her any less time to find a Master.

Somehow she was able to dispel her anxiety, though she knew it would return, and be that much harsher. She rose and began working on her katas, getting used to doing them with the tampon in, as she had already gotten used to walking and kneeling. In a few minutes there would be a class with Master Gallia, and she would join her clanmates then, and she'd answer their questions, but she'd make sure they told her what she'd missed as well. And when they went through this for the first time, she would be there with whatever advice she could give them. It had been a bit disconcerting being the first to go through a new experience, but she would make the most of it.


	3. Interlude: Eleventh Nameday

Eleventh Nameday  
By Izzy 

Padme was calm as they strapped the metal contraption to her wrist, but she was sure the old Master could hear her heart hammering. _There is no emotion, there is peace,_ she repeated to herself mentally. It didn't make her feel much better. They'd done this to Sara a month or so ago, when she had turned eleven, and Padme had sat with her during that terrible hour, watching helplessly as she turned into a mindless wreck. She'd heard all the stories, of Initiates and Padawans alike breaking under this exercise.

"Release your fear," the Master commanded. "I'm going to inject you now; you must release your fear into the Force before the drug takes effect."

She tried to concentrate on the Force, release her fear as she'd been taught, but there was too much of it. The hypospray pressed against her neck, and the Master said, "You are free during this hour to go anywhere within this part of the Temple you like, but we will monitor your movements, for your own benefit."

She nodded, bowed, and left the room. What should she do? Her clanmates were eating lastmeal, and she didn't feel very hungry.

Then the answer came to her in a flash: Anakin's dormitory. She had finished tutoring him recently, and they still kept each other company very often. They always felt more cheerful when in each other's company. He had to still be in the refectory at the moment, but she was sure he would be there by the time the hour was up.

Then the world around her emptied.

She'd been prepared for not being able to sense things around her the way she always had. But she hadn't expected not to be able to sense _herself_.

Nothing. There was nothing. Her world had abandoned her. She was cold, she was lost, everything was gone, she wasn't even sure she still existed, or if she was trapped in some horrible state-

"No!" She yelled desperately. Then she heard footsteps, and she nearly fell over from the contradiction. Her ears were telling her someone was coming, but they couldn't be, because her brain was screaming at her that they were gone, all gone...

And now there was an image in front of her of a man, but he had no presence. And she could hear him asking her, so concerned, if she was all right, and as he knelt down he saw the contraption, and touched her hand.

She could feel the hand, and it even felt a little warm, but everything was still so cold. It felt so wrong she jerked away, and frantically ran her hands along her body, but even that felt wrong-

"Keep moving about," the man advised her. "The body has the ability to sense itself even without the Force. No, don't try touching yourself if it makes you feel worse. Just walk. Walk anywhere."

She walked. She was aware of herself walking, of her legs moving, but her legs still didn't seem _there_, and it didn't make sense, and she was still so _empty_.

By the time she got to Anakin's dormitory she wasn't sure if she wanted him to be there or she didn't want him to be there when she couldn't feel him. She tried to calculate how much of the hour was left, but even time didn't seem to exist anymore. She was going to be like this forever...

The dorm was empty. She walked in, and looked around. But she couldn't tell which bed was Anakin's, because she couldn't sense his having been there from any of them.

Through her growing agony, a shocking thought cut across, _Did I rely on the Force even for that?_ But she had gotten here...

"Think! Rely on memory." Surely at some point she had paid attention to the location of the bed in the room. Perhaps her body might know which way to go without any senses. But her body was just so out of her control...

Finally she forced herself to recall an image of the room, which bed they had gone to, and sat down on a bed, but it was hard to believe it was Anakin's, it just felt so empty. And then she finally broke down, sobbing into alien blankets, in surroundings she didn't know at all...

"Padme? Padme, what's wrong?"

She hadn't heard Anakin come in. Only the utter certainty of whose voice it was she heard made her believe it was him.

But when he tried to touch her, she couldn't stand it. He was supposed to have so much of the Force in him that nothing in her life had ever felt so _wrong_. She pulled away violently.

"I'm sorry, Padme, I'm sorry! I'll go get a Master!"

"No!" She didn't want adult-or even anyone besides Anakin, seeing her like this. "It's okay, this will be over in...I don't know, but it has to be less than an hour."

She knew her voice lacked any kind of confidence, but Anakin could still sense her emotions-her shields were non-existent-and somehow they convinced him. Yet still he protested, "But we gotta do something!"

"No, we don't. Please Ani, just let it be."

"But can't I do anything?" he pleaded.

"Yes. Talk to me. Just talk. About anything."

She focused on his voice as he talked, not even hearing what he was saying, as her sobbing quietened. They nearly emerged again at one point, at the thought that in less than six years, they would do this horrible thing to Anakin, but she didn't want to upset him so she supressed them.

She heard another voice she didn't recognize at one point, heard Anakin say "Go away!" and footsteps die off. She was surprised by how she was getting used to the idea of the presence of people without sensing them there.

And then, what seemed an eternity later, suddenly the world flared back up, everything came rushing back, she was back, she knew where she was, and Anakin _was_ with her and he was so _bright_, and she interrupted him in the middle of a sentence to leap down from the bed and throw her arms around him, basking in the Force in him, in her, all around them, in every creature on Coruscant, in that moment aware of each and every one of them in a way she never had consciously been in all her life. Tears of relief streamed down her face.

"Are you okay now?" he asked nervously.

"Yes," she whispered back. "I'm fine now. It's over."

They stayed like that for a minute or so more, before the door opened and Padme heard someone call, "Initiate Naberrie?"

They looked up to see the old Master standing at the door. Padme drew herself up and both Initiates bowed. She knew the speech coming up; she had been there when Sara had heard it.

He took her arm and removed the supression device. "I would advise you not to feel ashamed," he said gently, sensing her thoughts, "your reaction was not dissimilar to the reactions of most Initiates when they are first cut off from the Force. The purpose of this exercise is twofold: first, that you learn not to take your ability to feel the Force for granted, and secondly, that should the worst happen on a mission and you be cut off from the Force while in the field, you will, at the very least, avoid reacting as badly as you did tonight."

Padme blushed at this last bit, but knew that the first objective of the exercise had certainly been achieved. She'd never take the Force and her ability to access it for granted again.

"As you know, all trainees go through the Force-supression exercise at least once, when they turn eleven, for an hour's time, as to put them through it for any longer, any earlier in their lives, or any more often at this age would not be justifiable with any ends. However, I feel I should warn you that once you are 15, your Master may choose to use the exercise as he or she sees fit."

Padme knew Anakin was paying as close attention as she was, and could feel his distress. At what she had gone through? At the thought she might have to go through it again? At the realization that he would go through with it? She would have to talk with him later.

"Though you should not feel shame, you should give your behavior considerable thought, and, as in all things, attempt to improve. As you do not yet have a specific Master, you are free to seek out any Master in the Temple you know and trust, if you need advice on this matter." Then he smiled at her. "Now I think you should get something to eat, and join your clanmates at their evening studies when you're ready. Initiate Skywalker, I believe you are late."


	4. Part 1: Youngling and Oldling

**Growing Up in the Jedi Temple  
By Izzy  
Part 1: Youngling and Oldling**

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant, 34 BBY**

For months their exercises had grown fancier, and the Initiates had all heard from the older ones about what came next. When Master Yoda greeted them with one of the padawans, they knew it was the day. They lined themselves up for the class as usual, and took their helmets, though most of them hesitated to put them on.

"Today," said Yoda, "need those helmets more than usual, you likely will. New things, we may try. This," he gestured to the padawan, "is Bultar Swan. Skilled, she is, in what I will teach you."

Tiny glances made their way through the Initiates, which Yoda probably did notice, but ignored. "Review certain exercises first, we must. Bultar, spin please."

The girl spread her arms out and lifted herself up, rotated once slowly, then again quickly, then landed. The Younglings might have rolled their eyes, but the grace and surety with which she did it, the subtle precision she contained in every inch of her body and movement amazed them, and served as a reminder of how much they had still to learn.

"Go on," Yoda waved his hand at them. "Spin, spin."

Hastily the Younglings spread their hands out and lifted themselves up, but the flawlessness of Bultar Swan's spin was nowhere in sight. It took more than one several seconds to even get up in the air, and many of them shook and fumbled with their hands, and landed with shock and disappointment on their faces, which did not go unnoticed by the amused Yoda.

"Thought it would always be easy, did you, because you had supposedly mastered it? Practice it, you must, much more, very much more. Run through more basic exercises, we will."

Spins, flips, and jumps came and went, and some of the Initiates improved as they went on. Finally, Yoda said, "Skywalker, Bird, S'lvar, Kon, Amersu. Here, with me. Bultar, continue to run the others through their basics."

Five Initiates stepped out of the main group: two human boys, a human girl, a Klatooinian, and a Twi'lek. Yoda led them to the far side of the room, and directed them to put their helmets on.

"The First Kata is done when right, the time is. But done, it must be." He must have seen the shuffling feet from both human boys, which stopped very quickly at his glare. "Heed me, you will! Wait, you now will. Bird." Letha Bird, the human girl, tall and broad even at six years of age, moved forward at Yoda's beckoning, until she stood a little over him. "Grown more, you have, I see. Grown with the Force, you have also?"

"I don't know, Master." Letha had not allowed her nervousness to show, as it usually did, when Yoda had called her out with the other four, nor alone, but her voice was ridiculously strained, and her eyes even traveled to Swan and the other Initiates, as if making sure they weren't paying attention to her too, because it was bad enough that Yoda and these four were.

Anakin Skywalker looked too, and noted they were not. It really did rankle, though he knew he probably deserved it, that Yoda was going to demonstrate the very first kata with her instead of him, when she had this problem with attention. With all the basic exercises it had been him first, following Yoda's instructions perfectly while everyone watched him. It was always easier when he was listening to Yoda, but even without him they always came easier to Anakin than to the others.

But there was Letha, arms and held out in the starting position, helmet fastened securely to her head-Anakin moved to fasten his.

"Imitate me, you will. Separately, the steps should first be done." He put his cane aside, walked very slowly around her, and then clearly to within all of their sight.

Any negative feelings Anakin might have been suffering from were gone, blown out of him by the awe he always felt when Master Yoda did this, changing one second an old decrepit creature barely their size; the next he was throwing himself forward and easily somersaulting with an activated lightsaber held out to one side, scrunched up until it turned into a roll, which landed him a surprisingly short distance from where he had started. He landed both feet perfectly on the floor and looked at Letha expectantly.

Anakin really did hope she'd get it right; he knew it would terrible for her if she didn't. But of course she messed it up. Not too badly, but she went way too far when she rolled, and she looked like she was knocking herself over her own feet. It was a good thing she did the move without the lightsaber.

"Smaller, you should not make yourself, when finishing it. Part of the form, that is not." Letha, who had to noone's surprise scrunched herself up in embarrassment, did her best to unscrunch. "So stiff, you cannot be," Yoda insisted at her. "Try again, you must, but cannot like that!"

It took several more minutes and a lot more coaxing before Letha was ready to go again, during which Anakin wished that if Yoda refused to have him or Octus Kon do this, he would still replace Letha with one of the other two.

And then when she mastered the first move, there was still the second. She was still working on the third when Bultar Swan interrupted them by bringing over another one of the Initiates, little Enza Oxi. "I believe she may be ready to join the first five, Master."

"Ready, is she? Basic spin."

Of course Anakin knew he shouldn't be impatient, and he'd been chastised for it already. But really, did Master Yoda have to test Enza in every single basic exercise? Surely if the padawan said she was ready, that meant she was!

But his impatience was quickly gone when Yoda finally turned to him and said, "Skywalker, demonstrate the first three forms, you will?"

"Yes, Master!" Eagerly he ran forward. Letha stepped happily out of the way. He focused himself, knowing he had to get this right. Master Yoda was counting on him.

He thought he saw Yoda's gimer stick coming at him and he leapt, forcing his mind to calm just before he went into the somersault, then kept it easily until he stood, tall as he could, having completed all of the first three forms perfectly, and knowing it.

He wondered why Master Yoda didn't seem pleased, and was just starting to worry that he was feeling too proud again when the doors opened, and to Anakin's delight it was Padme Naberrie, the girl who had tutored him for what little time he had needed tutoring back when he had been five, and his only real friend in the Jedi Temple.

"Initiate Naberrie. Pleased you will be, to hear your young clanmates are doing well."

Everything else was momentarily forgotten as the six Initiates near Yoda and the others by Bultar Swan exchanged confused looks. They hadn't thought they were doing at all well.

But Anakin also saw a bit of surprise on Padme's face, and it couldn't be to hear they were doing well; she always expected them to. No, he thought it more likely she was simply shocked Master Yoda knew her name. Which was silly of her, because Master Yoda knew everyone's names.

But she quickly regained herself, and said, "I come from Master Piell; he needs to speak with you."

"Wait, he will. Much more important things, I am doing." He beckoned Anakin back in and pushed S'lvar forward. "First three-why still here, are you?" For Padme was still standing there, looking like a baby hawk-bat caught in a transport's headlights.

Yoda stared at her for several moments more, before she said, "But...Master Piell insisted I come back with you. I can't go back alone."

"If go back alone, you cannot," replied Yoda, "then go back with me you will-when I am done. Help me out, you will?"

"Oh, of course! What do you want me to do for you?"

"First Kata." And so Padme obediently launched herself into the kata, and Anakin didn't know for sure but he thought she was doing it perfectly, and Master Yoda looked approving.

How long ago was it that Padme would have paid special attention to how Master Yoda watched her, even if she knew it was unlikely that he would take her, simply because he was without a Padawan, and that meant there had to be a chance, however small, that he might decide to take her on as his? Only a few weeks ago, when there would have been a hint of desperation in her eyes? But now she barely looked at him, and she did the kata without giving it any real thought.

_Why has she given up?_ Anakin thought, for the hundredth time. _She's not even twelve yet!_

And why did Master Yoda look at her with such compassion and not do anything? How many stupid Masters had looked at Padme that way, wondering why she didn't have a Master, without even considering, even for just a second or so, that they might become her Master?

Master Yoda sent her over to help out with the other Initiates, so Anakin didn't see much of her for the rest of the lesson, but he watched her lead Yoda away afterwards, and barely heard his agemates talking about how cool the lesson had been, ignoring the questions asked of the lucky six who had actually gotten to try the kata. He was going to talk to her after lastmeal, during the only time of day when the Initiates weren't directly supervised.

**That Evening**

Anakin wasn't surprised when he and Padme ended up eating alone. Not only was she his only friend, but most of her old friends were away with their Masters, scattered across the galaxy, leaving her the oldest unchosen Initiate in their clan, and her remaining agemates in the other clans had other eating hours.

They didn't talk at first, so to eat quicker. Neither of them liked to spend longer in the refectory than they had to, where they were both stared at. Anakin was actually used to being stared at, though it still hurt to hear them whisper about his mother, and dark origins, but it was only recently that people had begun seeing Padme and wondering what she was doing there with only a much younger Initiate to keep her company.

They finished at the same time, something they were very good at doing. Wordlessly they returned their trays together, then walked out into the corridor, where they simultaneously sagged in relief at feeling everyone's eyes off them. "One more year of this," Anakin heard Padme mutter as made their way towards his dormitory.

"Okay, Padme," said Anakin, in his most authoritative voice. "You need to remember a few things. First, you are still not twelve."

"Less than a month" was her response.

"Second," he said, louder, "second, there are Initiates who are selected when they are twelve. There are even Masters who don't like having younger Padawans, so they only select Initiates who are twelve."

"They don't select Initiates who came to the Temple too late and who don't exactly have the highest midi-chlorian count ever."

"You did not come to the Temple too late!" Anakin insisted at her. "If they thought that, they wouldn't have taken you to the Temple in the first place. And your count is well above the limit, isn't it?"

"So I've been reminded before, but even so, I think they would have done better to have left me on Naboo."

Anakin shared his sleeping quarters with the other male agemates of his clan, who were all still in the refectory, the reason they came here instead of where she slept. Both of their happiest hours had been spent sitting together on his sleeping couch, working or just talking.

That was where they flopped down now, and Anakin said, "You know, I'm starting to wonder if you really want to be a Jedi."

"What makes you say that?" she demanded, dismayed.

"Because you're always wishing they left you behind with your family, I know you like the idea of seeing them again, and you're still being way too pessimistic."

Tears falling, she shouted at him, "It's because I want to be a Jedi that I wish that! I wish they hadn't taken me away because if they hadn't, I would never have known I could be a Jedi, always thought it a better destiny for someone other than me. But they took me here, they raised me to prepare to be a Jedi, and more than that, they raised me to want it, so badly it hurts. I would never have wanted to be a Jedi if I'd been a simple mountain farming girl. And now I'm just going to end up a farmer anyway, but be unable to be content with it!"

"You're too angry," he noted.

"Why shouldn't I be? It's not like it matters now."

"Don't say that! Never say that!" He seized her wrists, tried to yank her over into looking at him. "If you stop trying, of course you won't succeed."

Whether he got through to her or not he didn't know. She turned away, and hastily dried her eyes. Anakin just watched her, knowing she didn't mind if he stared the way they both minded if other people did. He thought he heard her murmur, "Release," before he saw he muscles relax and her anger leave her. "You are right that I wouldn't mind going back to Naboo," she said, more to herself than him. "At least, if I can't stay here. Did you know when I turn thirteen, I'll be considered of age by my people? I wonder if they would consider me of age, and decline from insisting I go to some distant Agricultural Corps world, but just let me leave and decide me own fate?"

"Then you could definitely go home, couldn't you?"

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "I don't know if home is able to be anywhere other than here in the Temple now. Naboo...well, it's the most beautiful place in the galaxy, and of course I'll never forget my family, but I don't miss them now, the way I once thought I always would."

This, thought Anakin, was something he couldn't understand. Because the Jedi Temple always had been home to him, from as far back as he could remember. And as for his family, he apparently had no father at all, unless one counted Darth Plagueis, and he sure didn't, and his mother was no more than an image and a profile in the databank where he'd read about her history and current location.

Except there was one memory that might have been of her, but he wasn't sure. It was of a place which he thought was the creche here in the Temple, and a pair of arms holding him, and a soft sweet voice talking to him, and singing a lullaby. It was his earliest memory, and he thought it might be from just before they sent her away. He couldn't think of anyone else who would have done that to him.

Though as for what it was like to miss someone, if Padme was right about her future, he would understand what that was like soon. He didn't like to think about the idea that they would send her away, where she'd be miserable for the rest of her life, and he would never see her again.

"They might not select me either," he said, voicing the fear for the first time. "They seem scared of me. They others say that Master Yoda said-"

"Never mind what they say Master Yoda said." Padme cut him off. "You don't know that he really said it. And even if he did, you're the Chosen One! You have to be trained!"

"I don't know if I'm the Chosen One," Anakin sighed. "Neither do they."

"I'm sure that many of them are convinced you are, and enough that one of them will take you. Ani, it only takes one of them to say, 'I'll train you.' Just one."

"Padme, that's what I was trying to tell you!"

She opened her mouth to disagree, but the doors opened, and Octus ran in, yelling, "Anakin! Anakin! The Temple's being attacked again!"

"What?" Padme leapt to her feet, her hand going to the lightsaber strapped to her belt. "What are you talking about? I can't sense..." But then she paused, and looked as if she was sniffing the air. Anakin too could sense something was amiss.

Octus took advantage of the pause to continue, "We saw the ships from the windows and Master Jinn said they were the Sith ships, and we all have to hide in the towers, and they left Sara Tor'nuit to get us there, and she's supposed to help, and one of the younger padawans might, or he might have to fight-"

"Come on then!" Seizing Anakin by one hand and Octus by the other, Padme took off at a run, taking the two boys with her. They soon ran as fast as she did.

They were just outside the refectory and could hear Sara Tor'nuit's voice yelling, "Everyone over here! Stop panicking!" when suddenly the corridor shook with a bone-sickening crash which made half the Younglings in the refectory scream, followed by the more distant sounds of battle.

The doors opened to a frightening scene. A piece of the wall had fallen into the middle of the crowd, and almost surely it had fallen on someone, but with the crowd they couldn't tell who at first.

But by the time Padme forced her way through the crowd, Anakin and Octus still trailing after her, Xiaan Amersu had also reached the fallen wall and the two bodies under it, and were yelling their names: "Initiate Tor'nuit? Letha? LETHA!"

And then Anakin realized, at the same time Padme did, that she was now the oldest left in the room. The younger Padawan had gone off to fight.

"Silence," she said sharply, but only loud enough to be heard over all the shouting, Anakin thought. The voices died down, everyone looked at her.

She was still holding Anakin's hand, though not Octus', and so Anakin could feel sweat on it, but she otherwise seemed fearless. "Everyone follow me," she said, and they did.

Down the corridors they went, other Initiates joining them, more every time Padme opened a door and yelled into it, "Everyone come with me. We're going to the spires."

And they all followed her, even after they were joined by Initiates her age, and older too. Many of them looked at Anakin walking alongside her, still holding her hand, and if wondered if, strange as it sounded, his being with her was a part of why she was accepted as their leader. She kept a tight hold on him, even though she had to know he wasn't going anywhere.

With each distant explosion they quickened their pace. When the lights flickered and went out, they quickened their pace even more, and when pieces of the ceiling started falling down, though the older ones lifted their hands and kept them from hitting; instead they fell harmlessly behind the group.

As they neared the end of the dormitories, the sounds of fighting grew louder. Then the doors opened, and Padme's lightsaber amoung several others were drawn and at the ready, but everyone relaxed when they saw who had come in: Master Yaddle, apparently injured, and clutching onto the shoulders of her young Padawan.

"Destroyed, the central spire has been," gasped out Yaddle. "Under attack and falling, the other four are. Escape the Temple, you all must."

"How?" asked a horrified Padme.

"One, turn around. Directions, I will give you all."

Down steep passages and up several staircases they ran, far beyond where the Initiates would ever have been allowed to go. All around them were explosions, the glows of which could often now be seen, and the sound of sabers and blasters, often very close, and pieces of the walls and ceilings continued to give way, but even injured Master Yaddle was very powerful, and they bounced off an invisible shield.

At last they burst into a wide hanger, filled with fighter ships. "Made, this was, after the last attack," Yaddle explained. "Two of you, each can carry. How many of you can pilot?"

Padme finally let go of Anakin and moved over. So did most of the older Initiates, comfortably more than half of the group.

"Take the ships. Each of you who can pilot, fly with the ones who can't, you should."

Anakin had barely given his hand and wrist a good rub when Padme had grabbed them again. She led him to one of the fighters and pushed him into the co-pilot's chair. He took a curious look at the controls, and noted with a tiny bit of pleasure that he understood what many of them did.

Padme sat down next to him and placed a helmet on his head. She pressed a button and the hatch closed itself up above them.

Up the fighter lifted, and Padme steered them in between the other ships, many of which were swinging about wildly, and several times she had to swerve violently aside. "Rudimentary in some ways," she observed, "They concentrated on fitting a hyperdrive into a ship that would normally be too small. And what are the steering handles doing embedded on the dashboard?"

There was a radio, though, and it crackled to life with Master Yaddle's voice, "What firepower there is, ready, you must have. Attack when you emerge, they will."

"Anakin, can you tell me when that lights up?" She indicated a small red light near him and then pressed several buttons.

"We're clearing the hanger." Suddenly they were out of the Temple, and the cockpit was flooded with light, red and orange in the most brilliant hues Anakin had ever seen. In spite of everything he felt his breath catch in awe. He had seen sunsets from the windows of the Temple, of course, but they were nothing compared to being surrounded by one. He nearly missed the tiny red flash, dwarfed by the other lights, but he remembered and reported to Padme that it was lit.

She was flying them in between the large buildings which had never before seemed real, but now were huge, fascinating things, but then blaster fire streaked across the hatch, blotting out the sunset and exploding the world in bright red.

"That was too close," muttered Padme. "I'm returning fire."

More red flew out from the ship's guns, and explosions thundered around them, some of the ships of their fellow Initiates, and for the first time, Anakin looked at the Temple as they charged it down, firing at the big dark grey ships nearest them. The central spire was lying across the structure; the others swayed dangerously. Before their eyes a second one took a blast from a dark grey ship and tumbled down, hitting the tower already down and breaking it in half. Next to him he heard Padme make a choking noise.

Then a new voice, one of an older girl, over the radio. "Clear the planet as fast as you can, and then continue into hyperspace."

"Who's that?" Anakin wondered.

"It's One! One, is Master Yaddle all right?"

"She's weakening," was all they heard before there was a burst of static and the radio went out. Padme had pulled them up and they were now flying high over Coruscant, the Jedi Temple falling behind, its two fallen spires looking like snapped branches and getting harder and harder to discern.

There were going higher and higher, and blaster fire was still streaking past them. "There's a small group of them following us," said Padme, who Anakin suddenly thought was being amazingly calm. "Do you know how to operate the navicomputer?"

"No!"

"Then you'll have to operate the navigational controls for a minute or so. See these handles?" She took his hands and put them on top of the steering handles, locatedly, indeed strangely enough, on the dashboard. "You move them this way to go this way," the ship swerved back down towards the planet and then around in a loop, "this way to go this way," the ship flew distinctly away from the planet and Anakin felt a sudden strange sensation, as if he weighed nothing for a split second, "and-"

"-and you move them that way to go that way, and so on?" Anakin interrupted her.

"Yes, you've got it," said a very pleased Padme. "And we've cleared the main gravity field. Get us as far away from everything in orbit as possible and try to hold those grey ships off until we can jump to lightspeed."

It proved harder to steer the ship than Anakin originally thought. It seemed every time he moved the handles the ship moved further than he wanted it to, he had no idea how the enemy ships could be held off, and to top it off, Padme was leaning over him, pressing him down into the central panel, as she tried to run the navicomputer.

Anxiously he flew the ship down from fire, then hastily back up again to avoid more fire, then higher still to avoid crashing into the large metal thing in front of them, then back down to avoid another bigger metal thing, and he was trying to figure out how many more metal things there were, but he had to concentrate on moving out of the way of where he knew that ship was going to fire and still they weren't avoiding the fire all together, so while the shields were holding ship was rocking like mad.

"Keep going, Ani, we're almost out!" Spurred on by her words, he slid between two more round metal things and out into open space.

"Prepare for light speed. Just a little more space." She pushed Anakin aside, and moved the ship past more blaster fire, then with a "Hope I'm right..." she pulled the throttle back.

Anakin felt another strange sensation, the opposite of the earlier: now he felt like he was increasing in weight until he thought his chair should be crushed beneath him, then outside the cockpit the stars began to move so fast they turned into streaks of light, then merged with each other until there was nothing outside but an endless cloud of light.

Then the control panel let out a series of beeps, and Padme said, "Looks like there's autopilot programmed to lock us onto a course that's just engaged. This ship is officially out of my hands." At this statement, the tension visibly left her; her head fell back across the top of her seat and a single tear fell down her cheek.

"I'm sorry about Sara Tor'nuit," offered Anakin. "You were friends with her, weren't you?"

"It not just her. So many of those ships must have been blown apart, and so many others killed besides that. I hope Master Yaddle makes it. Poor One. To be chosen as early as she was, and to lose a Master at precisely her age...I've heard it's terrible."

"Are you friends with her too?"

"Not really, but I do know her a little bit. Her family was from Naboo, or at least her mother was; I think who her father was is a bit more complicated, but she was in the creche when she was a week old. She got curious about her homeworld once, and asked me about it."

"What did you tell her?"

Padme's expression turned far away as she answered. "I told her about my home, and about the mountains, and the fog in the mornings, and how my mother always told me sister Sola and me to look out for the ghosts."

It was then that Anakin realized something. "Padme, do you know, you've led a bunch of Initiates to safety, including me, the Chosen One?"

"That wasn't really me," started Padme, "that was Master Yaddle, with One's help..."

"Still, you did a lot, didn't you? You took command without panicking, you led us through most of the dorm rooms, and you got both yourself and me to safety. Unless we die before we get back, you'll be a Padawan within the month!"


	5. Part 2: From Snow to Sulfur

**Growing Up in the Jedi Temple  
By Izzy  
Part 2: From Snow to Sulfur**

The Jedi Temple on Ilum, Several Days Later

"The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart. All are intertwined: the crystal, the blade, the Jedi. We are one." Padme held out the lightsaber handle and activated the blade, smiling at its blue shade. "Odd how making the handle took more time then finding the crystal, but then, I did have to cobble it together from what metal we could spare." Padme was hardly the only one to spend hours sifting through the thousands of crystals of the cave, searching for the right one for her. In fact, all the Initiates who had landed on this snow-covered world had done so. There were twenty of them, from a dozen ships. One had suggested there might be more survivors, as she believed the different fighters were programmed to go to different places. "So if the Sith find one group, another still remains safe."

Master Yaddle might have been able to confirm it, but she was unconscious in what her apprentice hoped was a healing trance. One had been to the temple and cave before, and showed no interest in them now, instead refusing to leave her Master's side. That she ought to put her personal griefs aside as their _de facto_ leader had not occurred to her. Instead Padme, as the oldest after One, had seen to their supplies and set rations, directed the continual scanning of the area around the planet to the best of their ability, and even made attempts during the first couple of days to keep them to their exercises, though she'd finally given up on that.

Remembering her irked words to the group and her private complaints to him, Anakin observed to her now, "You have to start practicing your katas even harder, now that you have that."

"So will you," she rejoined, "once you find your own."

"You think they'll let me make a lightsaber when I'm only six?" Not to mention he wasn't sure how, even after watching Padme make hers.

"Well, you can find your crystal anyway. I'm sure they'll let you keep it for as long as need be. Keep searching."

"Sure you won't tell me what I'm looking for?"

"You'll know it when you find it, I promise you that, Ani." Blade still lit, she lowered her arm, then cleverly leapt over it, launching into a kata far beyond Anakin's capability. It ended with a graceful vault which took her legs straight over her body and landed her neatly with her feet straight forward and her lightsaber held out to her side. Anakin clapped loudly.

"I'm too restless," she said in response. She deactivated her new lightsaber, attached it to her belt where the old one had once been, and walked away towards where five Younglings were shifting through the crystals in an alarming manner, leaving a whole pile of them discarded on what was supposed to be a path kept clear. She had scolded Anakin for the same carelessness, which was why he now left each and every crystal where he found it.

For the next hour, this was exactly what he did, moving down the cave wall, and one of Padme's comments running through his head, "I think it was Master Gallia who said the process of making one's lightsaber is as much a test of patience as of skill." Then he spent another hour, by the end of which he was wondering how she found hers so quickly.

"Excuse me, Skywalker?"

It was a relief when One interrupted him, and even that she looked more frustrated than he felt, which wasn't easy, though it did increase his previously small worry that just because she was a Master and a Council Member didn't mean Master Yaddle might not die.

"Where's Padme Naberrie? Do you have any idea?"

"I..." Anakin looked back in the direction he had come, but could neither see or hear anything. "I think she went over that way," he said, pointing, "but that was a couple of hours ago. Why? Is Master Yaddle okay?"

"She's exactly as she's been since we landed here. Thank you, though." She strode off to where Anakin had pointed, then suddenly stopped, turned back, and said, "Try quieting your mind more. It makes finding it a lot easier." Then she was gone.

Quiet his mind. He supposed Padme knew how to do that. But he didn't. "Think calm," he said out loud. Calm, like Padme's face had been when he had watched her search the crystals. He thought of those peaceful hours together on his sleeping couch, trying to recall the feeling he got. Calm. Quiet.

His attention turned back to the crystals. They were very bright. "Calm." He repeated it over and over as a mantra, as he went through crystal after crystal after crystal...

He wasn't sure how much time passed before he thought something caught his eye. It was gone the next moment, before he had any idea what it was, and he wished he wasn't becoming so excited. "Calm. No, I have to be calm." But unable to figure out even where he had seen it, he resumed his search.

Within the next hour, at least he thought it was another hour, but it could have been a completely different length of time, several more "somethings" drew Anakin's eyes to them, only to vanish when he looked closely. It was getting harder and harder to stay calm, and he was just starting to wonder if all this teasing just made him feel worse when suddenly, he saw it.

He knew what he had seen immediately this time. It was a green crystal, inlaid near the end of the cluster, and it seemed to his eyes to outshine everything else in the cave. His fingers touched it; he felt them thrum with its energy. With very great care, he closed his fingers around the crystal, marveling at how it warmed his hands. He did not pull roughly, but patiently, shifting the crystal back and forth to loosen it, determined not the break any of it off. It seemed to take forever, but then he held the whole crystal in front of his eyes-it was amazing it didn't blind him.

As he continued to hold up the crystal, excitement bubbled up through him, and he was off at a run, slipping and sprawling and pulling himself up after making sure the precious crystal was unharmed. "Padme!" he yelled. "Padme! I've found it! I've found my crystal!" He really had gone very deep into the caves. He passed a Shistavanen a bit older than him, and two more Younglings his own age, but couldn't find Padme for some time, before he began looking for the way to the front of the cave.

He finally found her in the artificially constructed anteroom. With her were One, holding Master Yaddle as one might cradle a baby, Octus and Xiaan, and two other Initiates Anakin didn't know. All six were staring over their communications devices intently, and Anakin quickly realized something was going on.

None of them saw him until he went up to Padme and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned, startled, then exclaimed, "Oh! Ani! Someone's coming!"

"What?" And now he saw the monitor they had out, and it showed a ship approaching.

"It's almost in communications range," Padme explained. "Just half a minute more."

Mentally they counted down the seconds, then One murmured, "Here goes," and turned the radio on. "Jedi Fighter, do you copy? This is Padawan One Madierre; I have an injured Master and 18 Initiates with me. We are awaiting instructions."

There came an answering voice, "Padawan Madierre, this is Master Windu. Can you name who's with you?"

One actually had trouble remembering all the names, but Padme prompted her, and she looked much happier when they heard Master Windu reply, "Stay there. I'll come to you and take a look at Master Yaddle."

"Anakin, Ashlk, can you find the others and bring them here? When you find Voolvif Monn, advise him that he'll need to go outside and keep a visual lookout.

It took Anakin and Ashlk so long to find everyone that when they returned with the last of the Initiates, tiny Barriss Offee, struggling to keep up with their frantic pace, they found the anteroom deserted, except for One with Master Yaddle, who directed them outside.

Dressed in the snowsuits thoughtfully kept in the anteroom, they trod outside into the snow, to where the other fifteen Initiates were staring up into the sky, where a distant dark ship was attempting to navigate the snowstorm.

Padme looked anxiously at them, and her first question was, "Is One still in there? She should be here to greet Master Windu."

"I don't think she's going to take Master Yaddle out here," said one of the older human boys. "And she's definitely not going to leave her alone. Insisted I stay with her when she went to you. I don't know why; it's not like any of us can do anything."

Anakin made it to Padme's side by the time the fighter had cleared the worse of it and was engaged in the landing cycle, its lone occupant visible.

"Doesn't he have an apprentice?" Someone suddenly asked. "Something Shen-Jon?"

"A lot of people have died," said Padme. She didn't have to say any more. But when Master Windu emerged, though she looked mostly awed, Anakin could sense a bit of the kindness and sympathy that was the best thing about Padme.

She bowed to him, and spoke, "Greetings, Master. Master Yaddle needs your help."

"Take me to her." Padme led both him and the group inside. As she did, Anakin saw him glance over everyone, gaze perhaps lingering over Anakin himself a little longer.

Inside, One looked up, then jumped to her feet and held Yaddle out. "She's been like this since before we landed. Please, sir, can you help?"

Master Windu took her, examined her as she hung limp in his hands. "I will do what I can, but I think she will need Master Yoda."

One wasn't going to ask, so Padme did. "Sir, are we to go back to Coruscant now?"

"I believe so. The battle has ended."

"There are two more ships coming." It was Barriss who said this, staring wide-eyed at the monitor.

At her words, everyone crowded around the monitor, and stared at the two fighters that had appeared on the screen. When they were in range, Master Windu hailed them, and got a response: "Mace, this is Qui-Gon. Have you got anyone with you there?"

"Master Yaddle, Padawan Madierre, and eighteen Initiates. Yaddle's in a healing trance; she needs Yoda's aid as soon as she can get it."

"I'm afraid that may be awhile. The battle's not over yet, and we have reason to fear your fighter's been tracked."

Everyone else looked alarmed, but Master Windu's expression did not change. "If I have been tracked here, then we all need to get off the planet as quickly as possible. Are all the ships still hyperspace capable?" He clearly asked this of One. She nodded. "Yet there would still be the issue of piloting...I may need to reprogram some of the autopilots. That has to be done by a Council member."

**An Hour or So Later**

Anakin found himself once again in the co-pilot's seat next to Padme, but though there was again a feeling of urgency in the air, it was a calm urgency; they knew what they were doing, and importantly for Padme, she was no longer in charge. Though Anakin thought she did just fine when she was, she was clearly relieved not to be anymore.

They had repaired the radio enough for it to work at the moment, and Padme notified Master Windu that they were ready, while through a constant static buzz they heard ten more responses, and then the order to take off.

Up they lifted, much more slowly and deliberately than the last time, the ships around them moving at the same speed and in the same direction, like a set of droids. Up further, and Ilum's cloud cover obscured their companions for nearly half a minute, then again the brief sensation of weightlessness as they cleared the gravity field. As one, twelve ships turned and floated out into deep space, towards two ships that waited for them, suspended in the nothingness of space.

The radio crackled to life again, and they heard Master Jinn's voice say, "You aren't being tracked now, but we can't risk going too far."

"I am aware of that," answered Master Windu's voice. "The autopilots are programmed to travel to the Aseldine system. Prepare for lightspeed."

Wordlessly Anakin moved to take over the navigation, though this time he only had to hold the ship steady, while Padme operated the fancier controls, then settled back with her hand on the throttle. "Number three standing by," she reported over the radio. Similar responses sounded over the static.

"On my mark," they heard Master Windu say, "three...two...one...mark." Padme pulled the throttle, and again the stars dissolved into each other and Anakin felt the sensation of growing weight as they jumped to lightspeed.

But this time there was no series of beeps, because there was no autopilot. Anakin watched Padme anxiously as she continued to pilot the ship, knowing better then to try to speak to her. She seemed to be doing well enough.

It wasn't too long a journey to the Aseldine system, and soon enough they were dropping out of hyperspace and facing down a large yellowish planet. Padme identified the planet: "Polsing. Technically habitable by most species, but we'll get ill if we stay there too long. The air is barely breathable by humans."

"They know what they're doing," Anakin reassured her. "They have to, they're Jedi Masters."

The tiny fleet descended into the atmosphere together, but as they did, Anakin and Padme's ship was suddenly knocked over by winds stronger than Anakin had dreamed existed.

Padme struggled with the steering handles before she handed them over to Anakin, who didn't know how she could possibly keep a hold on them with the ship rocking so violently, with a, "Just try to keep up going down and horizontal, I'm going to see what I can do. If I think we can I'll try to land."

Anakin screamed once during the descent, when he did lose hold of the controls and was hurled against the back of the cockpit. But Padme was back to that unbreakable calm of hers, taking a hold of him and all but shoving him back to the dashboard, and murmuring, "Don't panic, Ani, just hold on. We're getting lower."

"And that's good?" It seemed to Anakin the lower the ship got, the worse the wind got. For the first time he wondered if his friend might be going crazy.

But after a pause, she said, "You're right, it's not. But I don't know what else we can..." Several moments silence where he was occupied with trying not to get thrown across the cockpit again. "I know what we're going to do. It's risky, and we'll lose the ship, but unless I can get something else to work within half a minute we'll have no choice."

_But if we lose the ship..._ But Anakin said nothing, hoping Padme would be able to do something else. The seconds flew by, and then finally Padme said, "We have to eject. Anakin, put your arms around me and hold tight."

He clutched to Padme with all the strength he had as she pressed a button to open the hatch. Then she jumped.

Anakin was aware only of the rough stink of the air around them, the too swift rush of the air, the power Padme's body generated as she performed the aerial, and the sound of the fighter pilot crashing below them. Then they hit the ground hard, jagged rocks cutting into them, and they both yelled in pain.

Then he was being lifted up and turned around, examined, Padme touching him in places that sure did hurt, but then saying, "Nothing serious. Sorry. I need more practice on that one."

She examined herself, again said, "Nothing serious" then stood around and looked up. He thought of asking her what they would do now, but then he realized she didn't know.

After a minute or so, she turned and trudged back to the wreckage of their ship. As Anakin watched, she floated out all she could above the flames, including her old lightsaber, which she tossed to him. "You just might need it. You've got your crystal in your belt pouch, right?"

He felt around for it, then nodded. "Good. Most of this is cold-weather gear. Not much use in this place. We're going to need to find shelter too, or the heat could very well kill us. Still, we've got a some rations and a good medical kit. And I think we could get this communicator to work if we struggled with it enough." She placed a few items in a pack and threw it over her back. "Lets go uphill a little. See if we can spot some of the others, or a cave."

Already sore and tired, Anakin found the hike uphill pure torture. The air burned worse and worse, until he felt he couldn't stand to breath it anymore. Soon his legs hurt so much he could barely move them. The rest of him hurt too. His chest hurt so bad he wanted to hit it until it broke. He didn't think Padme was feeling much better. When Padme said, "Okay, that's high enough," he fell to the ground, not even caring that it was covered with sharp rocks that dug into his body, and could barely look up enough to watch her determinedly gaze around, though she was stumbling about, having trouble with standing.

"Can't see a thing in this gale," she muttered, and bent her head downward. But then she looked relieved. "Cave. And it doesn't look too far from here." She had to haul him up, and he wondered how she could do it. She was panting afterwards, and he felt ashamed for putting her through that.

In later years, Anakin would never be sure how he managed the walk, nearly falling down with every step, wrist held tight in Padme's sweaty hand, lungs bursting inside him until he felt like he wasn't breathing at all. But stepping into the shadow of the cave provided only minimal relief. The beating of the planet's sun was gone, but the air was still unbreathable, and it was still terribly hot. Anakin thought the heat had killed them early.

A few steps into the cave and he could go no further. He slid out of Padme's grip and to the ground. "Go," he gasped. "Go without me. I can't keep going."

"No, Ani, I'm not leaving you," Padme grunted. It was taking all her strength to lift him up; he knew it. Yet she was doing so, slinging him over her shoulders. "Just hold on," she gasped. "The air's better just a little further in."

Anakin used the last of his strength to clutch at her tunic. He'd have cried if the planet hadn't dried him up. He was failing, and now because of his failure she would insist on failing herself. They'd both die here, and it was all his fault.

It was getting cooler now, and darker; Anakin could tell even though he'd screwed his eyes shut. When he lost his grip on her, she took him up in her arms and carried him like a much younger child, a dead weight in her arms.

It wasn't long after that when she too collapsed. But while Anakin lay nearly passed out on the cave floor, she set to work with the medical kit; he felt her inject him with something. He felt slightly better, and so did the air around him.

"I don't know how long we can last." Padme's voice was fuzzy, as if she was speaking from far away. I'm going to try to send a distress signal." He heard the sound of beeping.

Anakin closed his eyes, and knew nothing else.

Some Hours Later 

A pair of large hands were shaking Anakin awake, along with a voice which was soft but urgent. He opened his eyes and stared into the face of an old man with a broken nose who he thought might be Master Jinn. "You must get up," the man was saying. "Can you get up?"

"She's not waking," said another voice from nearby.

That got Anakin to raise his head, but he had no energy to react to the horrible sight of Padme looking so pale and limp that he was sure she had to be dead.

But the older Padawan-Kenobi?- must have guessed what he was thinking, because he said, "She's alive, but barely. She seems to have all but expended herself for something."

"I don't think this young boy should be alive, let alone awake," Master Jinn answered. "She must have decided to give her life for his."

"Oh Padme..." He mouthed the words; he didn't have the breath to say them. Somehow, this felt worse than both of them dying.

Master Jinn leaned over to examine Padme, closing his eyes as he took her hand. When he opened them, he said, "It may be possible to save her, but we have to get them both to the shelter as quickly as possible. I'll contact Mace, tell him I think we've bringing the last two survivors we're going to rescue."

It soon became clear Anakin could barely crawl, so Master Jinn scooped him up, the same way Padme had. He could do nothing but watch her, lying in Kenobi's arms like a corpse, as the walls of the cave flew past them, the two men hurrying down to somewhere where their ship had to be, barely even hearing Master Jinn's voice as he spoke into a communicator.

He had just finished talking when they reached another one of the pilot ships which everyone had been traveling in, and Anakin was carefully put down onto the co-pilot's seat. He tried to tell them they'd lost their own ship, and he was sorry, but he still couldn't quite speak yet. Kenobi took the pilot's seat, and Master Jinn squatted by the seats with Padme in his arms, pressed against her chest, his eyes closed. What was he doing to her? Was it what she had done to him?

They weren't up in the air too long before they all started coughing up gunk. Anakin coughed up the most, until he was sitting in disgusting brownish-yellow ooze. He wondered how much gunk Padme had in her, but she still wasn't waking.

He stared at her and Master Jinn for a long time, until the latter looked at him, and said, "How well do you know this girl?"

He somehow managed to say, "She's the only friend I have." Anakin felt his throat ease; it was getting easier to speak.

"Then you might be able to help me. Come here."

Anakin obeyed. Master Jinn took his hand and placed it over Padme's heart, and he hated how _cold_ she felt. He was hardly able to believe she was still alive.

He did cry then, his tears falling on her chest, and unable to help it he whispered softly, "Padme, don't die. Please don't. Please don't leave me. I'll tell all the Masters how strong you were, how you were willing to die to save me, and then they'll all want to train you. Just please Padme, please wake up!"

"She cannot hear normal speech," Master Jinn reminded him. "Talk to her through the Force. Reach out to her."

"I don't know how to do that!" Anakin sobbed. He wished more than anything he could.

"_Calm down."_ The Master's forceful voice cut Anakin's sobbing off. "_Don't think. Feel."_

Anakin thought the Master might be using some sort of mind trick, but he didn't care, as long as it saved Padme. And he was sure his mind was being prodded, and he did as he was told, reaching out with his feelings, begging Padme not to go, to hear him, to come back. She was a faint presence just out of his grasp, but he thought she heard him, and then she let the Master grasp her, pour strength into her, bring her back to life.

Then she coughed herself awake, heaving gunk all over Anakin's face, for more tears, of happiness now, to wash away. "You're okay! You're going to be okay!"

"Well," gasped Master Jinn, who didn't look much better than Padme at the moment, barely holding her up as she coughed stuff up all over him, "I'll rest easier when we're at the shelter. You both still need treatment. Obi-Wan, how far are we?"

"Six minutes, Master." Anakin heard Kenobi answer. There was something strange in the way he answered, something which made both Master Jinn and Padme look up, but Anakin couldn't tell what, and now he was feeling more tired than ever. Padme's gunk was getting all over the floor, but he sat down on it anyway, leaned against the bottom of the seat, closed his eyes, and again fell asleep.


End file.
